![]() ![]() Which is a real dick move, raisin giver outer. Handing out raisins gives off, at best, a creepy old lady vibe and, at worst, it makes it seem as though you are trying to subtly preach about the virtues of healthy nutritional choices on this sacred night of “IMA EAT WHAT I WANT!” ![]() Because handing out homemade cookies on Halloween gives off a “local news van rolling up to interview neighbor kids after someone swallowed a thumbtack” kinda vibe. ![]() This is trick-or-treating, not a damn nature hike. Use this as a guide so that we may prevent tree toilet papering, flung eggs, and tiny broken hearts.īecause toothbrushes are bullsh*t on Halloween, and you need to know that. The dispensers of Halloween joy should also hold themselves to a higher standard - so we’re offering a ranking of the least-loved candy/candy alternatives that often make their way into bags and buckets year after year, only to be met with scorn, disappointment, and sugar-fueled rage tantrums. But what if it’s the wrong candy? Or even worse, what if the homeowner or renter (or squatter) at the other end of this time-honored transaction fails to live up to their end of the deal and they offer candy alternatives?įor years, maybe centuries, even, justice for alt-sweets has been meted out with petty vandalism and fiery poopbagged tomfoolery, but this next generation should be better than that (just leave a negative Yelp review, you guys). It’s that time of year again, when scores of kids dress up as their favorite characters and go door to door throughout their neighborhoods (or other neighborhoods, depending on their ambition and Uber budget), enthusiastically shouting “trick or treat!” in exchange for some candy. ![]()
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